#idk sometimes i feel like a total straw man who can see good ideas and appreciate them but can only ever turn out bland creative work

[hakunoknight]

i love complicated media (revolutionary girl utena, interview with the vampire, a song of ice and fire, etc) but i cannot. somehow it seems. create anything nearly like it. it makes me feel like such a fraud lol.

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

idk how many people would even want to see this BUT i wanna yell about Leela and Brax so here's a list of all their scenes togethr/scenes pertainng to them that i can recall (pLEASE add on if i missed anything/ you have any additional thoughts!! i could talk about these two all day!)

right off the bat in Weapon of Choice when Leela is on the outskirts of the Citadel and Brax goes to bring her back (which is interesting in and of itself, bc usually i would imagine a chancellery guard would go do that so what made Brax decide to instead??), Leela kinda goes off at him bc she's hurting and instead of trying to actually explain what's going on Brax doesn't even try to argue he just says "we need you" which is great bc Leela has that instinctive desire to be needed and to help people and he's speaking right to that -- also as far as we know, this is Leela and Brax's first actual meeting in canon? it's implied that they know of each other, which makes sense, but it doesn't seem like they've ever directly interacted before: Brax seems almost slightly uncertain, and Leela is combative, but when he's gentle with her she's actually quite receptive

the literal next scene after that, where the OT4 is all in one room for the first time (they still kinda hate each other at this point but still !!!). Narvin explaining Gryben and being a real jerk about it and Leela (understandibly!) questions if Gryben is a prison world, and Brax (who to this point has been mostly quiet as Narvin and Romana brief Leela) jumps in to both clarify Narvin's previous xenophobic statements while also maintaining the inherent questionable/negative connotations

(btw it's actually pretty important to note that Romana self-edits herself a lot when talking to Leela, especially in the earlier seasons; you can actually hear her revising the things she says to put it in terms that she thinks Leela will better understand. and i mean she does it out of genuine consideration for her friend associate but it often comes across as varying levels of patronizing. Narvin also obviously "dumbs things down" when dealing with Leela early on, but like... Brax never does that on any level. the only difference i can tell in how he addresses Leela vs how he talks to anybody else is that he seems much more kind with her than almost anyone else???)

their conversation about the Matrix in The Inquiry: this is REALLY important (and if you've ever talked to me on ao3 i've probably gone off to you about it lol) because it's layered. they're talking about the Matrix but they're also not because in answering Leela's question Brax is making a very thinly veiled allegory (which he outright states a minute later) to Time Lord society/politicians/most importantly HIMSELF -- he's actually strangely open about his morals/beliefs in this scene and i'm living for it tbh -- and i find it very interesting that even though he does directly explain what he means ("how do you know all this?" / "because i am a politician.") he also leaves it for Leela to work out the implications. like it's a very nuanced conversation bc there's double meaning in it and most people on Gallifrey seem to think that Leela is tone-deaf and can't pick up on that stuff (even Romana sometimes oversimplifies things to her) but Brax totally just lets her take from it what she will bc he believes her intelligent enough to understand. he doesn't think her any lesser because she's human.

ALSO on a secondary note to the above: the fact that Leela has a question/needed clarification (sorry, haven't listened to this in a while i forget how it actually happened) and actively sought out Brax to talk to about it?? like she knows Romana better she could have gone to her but i feel like Leela kinda imprinted on Brax and someone she can go to for help if she needs it; maybe it's partly bc she knows he's under marginally less pressure than Romana is but also the truth of the matter is that Brax was the most genuinely helpful person to her in the previous stories and that probably means a lot to her (esp. bc he acts like the essence of everything she hates about Gallifrey but he doesn't treat her the way she would expect from that). btw this topic is gonna come up again in a hot minute

that part where Brax gives her that information that might help her re: the Andred thing, even though he really probably shouldn't have done that -- it kinda makes me think about what he must have been like with Theta tbh???

actually this is mostly my own conjecture but there's some neat stuff in Spirit bc during the *waves hand vaguely* bodyswap dream sequence thing, Romana is very "!!!! Brax can help us !!!" which is tecnically Leela brain talking, so like there's the implications of the stuff i've said above about Leela having this idea of Brax where she knows he's someone she can go to for help

can u tell i'm soft for them

Leela sounding really sad/distracted when she talks about how Brax isn't there YES i'm grasping at straws but a lot of this relationship really is conveyed through the voice acting bc of how little direct focus there is on the characters. there's actually several scenes in Mindbomb where she mentions him and she outright says that she misses him during her discussion with Matthias

that implied scene with them in Mindbomb!! i have a Lot of thoughts about that!!! it's all conjecture and fanfic fodder!!! but the reason i mention this is because it seems pretty meta that out of the whole Gally Gang, it's Leela who first sees Brax when he comes back to Gallifrey and in turn she's the first person (besides Matthias, i guess) that he sees upon his return?? idk i just feel like that's somehow a meaningful detail??? also her reaction of utter shock after spending the entire episode missing him and how worked up she is when she tries to tell Romana, like I desperately need to know what happened in this missing scene MR RICHARDS PLEASE TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED

Leela insisting on going with Brax when Pandora starts hurting him and their whole conversation there is just. so good. like they're both just so soft and then when Darkel comes in Leela instantly goes into protective mode. like they just have such an open relationship bc Brax doesn't even try to be all pretentious with her, like he doesn't even try to keep up any facades when he's with her he's just very genuine and it really says a lot about both of them -- Leela is so good at seeing people, like getting down to the core of who people are and what makes them them (which is why she's good for Romana, btw, bc Romana has a lot of identity issues) and Brax is so tangled up in who he presents himself as that he barely knows who he actually is anymore but Leela can see that and she makes it so he can truly be himself and he doesn't have to hide. also she's so gentle with him when they talk about Pandora, she's very caring and empathetic and wants to make sure he's okay and i am WEAK

it's been a hot while since i listened to Panacea but I think i remember Brax being really soft with Leela when he first brings the gang to the Axis, like just sounding really glad to see her

ok other than the fact that Brax is lowkey relatable in Reborn (daydreaming fanfic about yourself/people you know? simping for Mary Tamm Romana? yeah mood, my man) there's that scene where they're first appraoching the Citadel on the alt!Gallifrey and it seems like none of them, and Brax specifically, have seen it from the outside in a good long while bc he's very in awe and he tells Leela that he wishes she could see it and he sounds sO hEcKiNg sOFT oh my word-

and once again with Leela thinking of Brax as someone she trusts for help: in Dissassembled when everything is going to crap she straight-up says that she wants to go find Brax bc he'll know what to do/be able to help

at the beginning of Annihilation when Romana is depressed and questioning if Brax truly was her friend and Leela INSTANTLY, NO HESITATION assures her that he was; i lost where i had her exact lines written down but she actually kinda goes off to make sure Romana gets the point

literally forcing myself to talk about this bc it makes my brain stall out but like,,, the Brax Hound in Annihilation,,, Leela being like "goodbye, Braxiatel... again" she sounds so sad and like UGH i always kinda forget how sad it actually is for them to lose Brax in Dissassembled bc like, it was so sudden and they didn't get to say goodbye and Leela is always losing people and i have many many feels about this scene and how all that emotion is made very clear in how they each respond to the Hound (might make a separate post abt this later if anyone is interested ::eyes::)

Enemy Lines is utter bullcrap about these two and I will never stop being salty about how they not only sidelined the very good, very subtle friendship they had in s1-4, but they??? made Leela acutally not trust Brax??? when literally this entire time she's been the one person who probably genuinely trusts him the most?? what the heck, David

I haven't heard TW3 or 4 yet but i'm assuming there's nothing worthwhile in those with regards to this duo (correct me if i'm wrong tho lol, i would love to be mistaken in this assumption)

TL;DR Leela and Brax mututally imprinted on each other and have probably the most open and healthy relationship within the OT4 and it is an absolute CRIME that nobody besides Gary Russell and Justin Richards cared enough to actually build on it in canon

[captainwholecake]

The Straw Hats reacting to you being a mermaid with a devil fruit power

A/n: I'm doing the straw hats since you didn't say which characters exactly and Fluffy is supposed to be in place of Luffy (and sorry if this is written weird)

Warnings: fluffy shit and Luffy being Luffy, Idk if there will be anything else or not

——

Monkey D. Fluffy

The effect this kid has on me IS HARD

GOd, he'd been so FUCKING EXCITED man

He's Luffy l-

He just wants to know how it effects you and shit

It also probably finds how you adapted to it really cool

Mf'er would probably ask you to join the crew/ or you end just traveling with them for a while

Luffy straight up would be excited just of you being a mermaid and how the fuck you get around without the water thing

Unless the devil fruit allows you to do stuff to get you underwater or whatever?

He generally be just Luffy at you and be cautious as ever

Zoro

Sword daddy really doesn't have any reaction but "hmm" to me

He be interested not gonna lie

He's sword daddy after all

Idk I feel like this bastard would just straight up watch Ussop, Luffy, and Chopper just be amazed but you

And be like lowkey "what the fuck? It's mermaid who can't be in water?" or something

imagine the soft smile he would have seeing Luffy, Chopper, and Usopp surrounding you and just be amazed

aw, I'm not FUCKING okay

I honestly don't know what else he'd do? He seems like the type to be a little impressed by the power if it something cool?

Like he would have that almost impressed face the moment he hears and all

Nami

I love this girl so much and I haven't written stuff for her in so long

I feel like she would like kinda in to it?

She would also get mad at the dumbass trio for bothering you

Honestly, I feel like y'all would get along great

And she would also be impressed by the devil fruit power if it was strong and would feel bad that you can no longer go in water

Nami has the vibe of someone who every could get a long with tbh (Probably because she was a thief at one point) but I feel like y'all would have entire conversation over your situation and shit

In my mind, Nami is some material tho

Like she cares OKAY SHE CARES - homegirl would care

She just seems chill with it tbh

Usopp

Idk why but my favorite Usopp is the newest animation style Usopp? He just looks very good animated in it?

So, we have the dumbass trio-

That's it

Those three who just get amazed by everything

I feel like Luffy and him would keep trying to push each other out the way while chopper's in the middle

I feel like all them would just ask a shit ton of questions

Homeboy would just be impressed

He's part of the dumbass trio

Honestly, The dumbass trio is all I have

Sanji

Older sanji/new animations sanji hits fucking different

Okay, first of all he'd be excited if you are gal (honestly, I like the idea of sanji going both ways tho he just horny-)

Next, he gives me the same vibes everyone else but the dumbass trio would have - he'd be 'wait, you're a mermaid but can't swim?'

Why am I soft? Like I just feel like him and Nami would look at each other if you looked down while saying why you can't swim

JUST IMAGINE ABDJSNS

god I'm in pain - Everyone seems like the type to not care and think 'oh' but sanji just ugh I love him so much sometimes

He also seems like the type to get mad at the dumbass trio too

Like they're idiots but you're clearly trying to say something serious

Inclusion - He makes me softtt

Chopper

I know, he's part of the dumbass trio but he knows how you feel

He's basically a human reindeer with a blue nose

Chopper would be amazed by the devil fruit power and all if you're like a shark mermaid or something but he feels yall

He understands how it feels you know

Oh god, I just imagine you getting attracted to him some way

Who doesn't love Chopper (ngl I have keyring pop figure of him)

Okay, so chopper doesn't have much for me other than the fact his amazement is kinda different than the other two

His is more because he's chopper a humanoid reindeer with a blue nose and is a docTOR OF A FUCKING PIRATE CREW (wasn't Law surprised to hear that he was the doctor of the straw hats that one time)

Honestly, that's all I have for Chopper caused we all know how he would react tbh

Robin

I have a mentioned she's basically the reason I'm gay

Honestly, Robin would probably have a reaction in between Zoro's and Nami's

She would be like 'oh' but y'all would get to talk about it

I actually feel like she would be surprised for some reason BUT LIKE NOT A LOT

She would find it kinda cool y'know (istg im from the edge of the bible belt I'm sorry)

ROBIN IS BEST GIRL TELL ME IF IM WRONG

Baby would be so soft tho (like she isn't)

I honestly don't know how she would react

It would probably be inbetween Zoro and Nami's

Franky

This fucker is a fucking cyborg

He would totally act the same

But I have to get to nine bullets

If like he would get a little excited if it's a really cool power but feel back that you can't go back into water

tbh young Franky in the gif tho

I'm not sure how he and Brooks would act like they would be somewhat super chill about it

Three straw hats have devil fruits power too, he's a cyborg, and Brooke a skeleton from a devil fruit power all them are used to this time of stuff

But you my friend is also a mermaid and they would be little shocked because of the whole water thing

Honestly, he would be chill about it tbh and thats all

Brook

Two things

He's skeleton

And he would ask to see you're panties even though you're a fucking mermaid

Also he would feel a little bad

He's Brook

He's a soft skeleton with a panty addiction or some shit

Honestly thats the tweet

Thats all Brooke has

P.s. I love him

[wheelthefridge]

in honor of last night having been my last ever shift dishwashing at the same restaurant i’ve been at for the past four years here’s an absurdly long list of random chaotic moments that literally no one asked for that i’ve been compiling since day one:

bj, with a half full gallon of orange juice: this expired two months ago. *pours down drain* that was a long time ago

sam: YOU! I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU!! *carries on normally with no explanation* bj: smack that! that too! smack those vegetables! punch that burger in the nose! chop that bun! bob: no, flick the bun. you have to flick it. 

*bad and boujee playing* bj: walks into kitchen, singing bj: you better know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away, know when to run bj: walks out of kitchen, still singing

me: hey can you put the wet floor sign out for me dylan: sure dylan: *slips while putting the sign out* me:

sam: get this- i haven’t smoked pot in like three days and my brain is ready to roll! yeah!

joe: ha! oldest trick in the book i just started writing 

dude @bar: ten percent of people are over 6'1" other dude: what about 6'2"  dude 1: what? no. ten percent of people are OVER 6'1" - so that includes 6'2" dude 2: idk I know a lot of tall guys. taller than me dude 1: what? i’m saying- just- ten percent of everyone in the whole world- you know how many people there are in the world? 7 billion– dude 2: i thought it was six billion  dude 1: no, 7 billion- ten percent of 7 billion—

joe, digging through the trash: i’m just gonna peruse through here,, aaaaannnd….. nope not here me: what’re u looking for Joe: …..a book

didi: is eating a pistachio  katherine: is that sour cream

sam: some dirty whorebag wants two pickles 

joe: sam she am. that’s right. dr seuss wrote a book about her 

katherine: oh my goddd this song is always on i’m so tired of it joe: is it? i don’t think i’ve heard it before carolyn: eh it’s all just one long brazilian song to me

katherine: look at my straw i put it in the pencil sharpener 

sam: i’m on crack cocaine. you heard it here

sam, aggressively putting silverware in the tray: just the way the cookie crumbles me: yeah? sam, fake crying: yes

adele: if you’re ready- sam: what if I’m not bob: too bad. she only cares if she’s ready

something: *breaks* sam: time for the mop. and by mop i mean… this thing *holds up dustpan*

mike: you should go on junior master chef…. and only make fries 

sam, quietly as she speedwalks by me: panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic

sam, beginning of the night: my goal is to make at least forty bucks tonight. hopefully sixty sam, later that night: i’ve made five dollars

sam, pouring a drink into the trash right next to the sink: you know, im not sure why i poured that in the trash. i’ve had a very off day

katherine, after accidentally spraying salsa on herself: i just sprayed salsa all over myself bj: i feel like that too sometimes. i love salsa so much

sam: can you imagine if i did like hardcore drugs how messed up i would be- i’m messed up soberly

someone: what’re you supposed to feed twenty kids  kerry: pizza bj: vodka 

sam: will you let bob know there’s gonna be seven in the snug bj: seven in the snug? that’s my band name. we’re really good

edson: *spins cover on counter and stares at it for solid thirty seconds before putting his finger down to stop it* edson: good. 

sam: what should i draw bj: you should draw casey, hanging from a cliff, with a pterodactyl flying towards them who is on fire, but, seems optimistic about it 

bj: life is too short for low fat cheese. remember that. 

sam, beginning of night, in a really good mood: guess what i’m drunk and high right now  sam, later that night: i was just pouring a beer and i dropped it. like my hand just let go of it sam, end of night: i’m never doing this again 

joe: you know who didn’t clock out yet?? i have two thumbs! joe: ……wait joe: you know who has two thumbs and hasn’t clocked out yet?? this guy!! me: there ya go buddy

bob: i’ve slept fifteen hours in the past four days me: that’s not good bob: yeah

edson: look edson: *holds out hand with top spinning in his palm* *giggles*

sam: i cannot wait for this day to be over  me: it’s barely started  sam: i took a shot before i got here. i have more in my car

bob: hi sam sam: hi bob  didi: hi sam sam: fuck off

joe: her? oh yeah her name is sarah whitaker  katherine: oh i think i know her joe: that’s funny because i just made that up. i’m willing to bet money that she’s nineteen tho me: why joe: bc i overheard her say that she’s nineteen

joe: i’m gonna send you a video but you can’t watch it now it’s needs full attention with headphones and the lights off 

bj: if you lose your hand, don’t replace it with a fork. that would be a bad choice. i know it’s probably the cheapest option, right up there with stick, but just spend the money. 

bj, on a different day: i think if you were to get your hands cut off, getting them replaced with plates would be a very bad idea. you can dig. and you can toss. but that’s about it. no playing the saxophone.  

colby: *doesn’t show up to work* bj: maybe i should leave him a message of just me crying 

katherine: i think an old man just asked me to live with him

sam: wait *pulls celery strings out of her mouth* that just came out of my throat

bob: i’m such a grump tonight. i’m in a good mood i’m just so grumpy.  bob: maybe i’m not in a good mood…

bj, after sending christa downstairs to get liquor for the bar: i put a live cobra down there too so… if she comes back with it dead in her hands…. she’s a champ. and that’s that. 

bj: i had a dog today did you have a dog? me: no bj: oh. well. 

dylan, holding phone camera at joe: hey joe can you pull ur shirt down joe, pulling the collar of his shirt halfway down his chest: yeah like this? dylan, taking picture: yeah thanks 

bj: HI-YAH carley: you’re a ninja!! bj: yes. don’t be alarmed. i only use my powers for good. 

bj, with one bottle in each hand, pouring water in the sink, mimicking cow milking motions: it’s like a cow. mooooooeeeeeeuuuuuhhhhhhgggg aaaaaauuuuuueuejhshhsii. that’s what cows sound like right?

bj: we have a dog, and we’re getting chickens. i’m not really sure why were getting chickens. do i consider myself a farmer? not really. 

bj: we should make a youtube channel of just me saying really random things to you and you not responding to me whatsoever me: mhmm

nancy: I’m sleeping

sam: *pours drink out on counter next to sink* sam: wHAT the FuCK was that!? why did i do that?? i’ve lost it! i’ve hit rock bottom!!

sam: *bends over* ughhhhhhhhhhhhh *straightens up* ok i’m fine

bj: yum! that’s how i rate the soup. two yums up!! *laughs for like a full minute*

sam: i got my motorcycle license over the weekend and now all everyone’s saying to me is “no don’t get a motorcycle they’re so dangerous” like shut the fuck up if i die i die it’s my choice 

bj: i think if i were to be turned into some kind of commercial type of food, if i got turned into a nugget, i think i’d be indignant. i’ve lived my whole life and now i’m a nugget??? “oh i was a great roasted-“ i was a nugget. i was eaten with fries out of a box with a small soda. 

bj: hello everybody. i have arrived. please remain calm.  bob: *screams*

radio: the fastest lawn mower in the world goes up to 150 miles per hour! bob: …….why??

sam: i just meowed in scotty’s face and he was completely unfazed by it. like a full on Meow. 

bob: lemme just touch these live wires with my wet hands  bj: bob has gone offline

katherine: i totally forgot to put their order in for i don’t even know how long me: ……..i’m sure it’ll be fine katherine: i mean, nothing matters, right? right. nothing matters. 

bj: hey did you guys hear that kate: yeah what was that bj: oh i was just yelling……….. about the soup kate: me: katherine: bj: i’ll try to keep it down next time

bob: you sleep a lot when you’re old. it’s just practice for death. getting ready for The Big Sleep. let’s see how do i wanna go out? on my back?? nah not for me. on my front babey! 

didi: hi sam sam: SHUT UP didi, quieter: okay…… sam: i love you  didi: no bj: so you’re a grownup now. that’s means you have to do grown up things, like, pay for dinner and stuff? me: uh huh bj: it’s all downhill from here 

bj: pon pon the van poco. right? me: mhmm bj: probably. i mean. i’m no doctor, but

random woman @ bar: we are the matrix. We. Are. The Matrix. 

bj, to the tune of frosty the snowman: clunkity clunk clunk clunkity clunk clunk look at all this stuff. clunkity clunk clunk clunkity clunk clunk making casey’s job tough! pretty good right?? i just made it up 

bj: *walks into kitchen* YES! that’s all i have to say. that’s it. BOBS killing it. DIDIS killing it. casey MURDERED it. you’re welcome. *walks out of kitchen* bj: today is the second day in a row my dog has eaten my lunch. yesterday and then today. it’s my own fault really bob: well you know what they say about men who like floppy french fries. *doesn’t elaborate*

sam: there’s a toy baby in my section. like just a toy baby taking up a seat in my section. what do i do like do i move the bitch? do i leave her there??

bob, talking to himself: if you get sick tomorrow, just remember. it’s your own fault for eating food off the floor. 

bob, to katherine: no, you don’t have to mop the carpet

bj: cheeeesy. 

laura: if i get through tonight without a heart attack it’ll be incredible. if i do have a heart attack tho just let me go

caldo: *unintelligible yelling* SELLING my BODY for SEX *more unintelligible yelling*

bob: my fathers brother sent all his kids to australia. i guess he figured at least one of them would make it

caldo: i don’t trust people who go out to eat tuna fish

bob: can you make some more guacamole soon we’re running low laura: pulls five (5) avocados from her pockets 

bob: he looks like jesus. well. he looks like what white people think jesus looked like

sam: yeah. Please. eat some more mother Fucking crackers. 

bj: i feel like i gave birth to the eggplant stacks tonight. and honestly? if my child looked like that? i’d be proud. proud to have an eggplant child

bj: alright everybody let’s get the fuf out of here!! i said fuf not f- it’s safe. f u f starts and ends with soft letters no one gets hurt. any word that starts with a soft letter and ends with a hard letter is bad news… i feel like every time i come in here i annoy you guys. casey’s one dumbass comment away from killing me. “hey so what are your thoughts on grass?” “that’s it” *mimics shooting a gun*

ilia: -and the dogs gonna get diabetes- katherine, indignantly: i cleaned it really well!

mickey: i’ll tell you one thing. crack is good. 

sam: some lady just rolled up to the bar, no bra, nipples beamin through the shirt- LETS GET IT!!!!

caldo: *speed walks into kitchen and shotguns a beer over the trash* ok i’m back. i should not have smoked this morning

dom: little kid just picked up a knife and went “oh cool i can stab someone” me, katherine, and sam in unison: good dom: yeah the dad took it away 

sam: my friend was like “why is your go to dance move just to snap” and i was like “i don’t know, i’m white” *shrugs*

bj: someone just asked me if i’m having fun. am i having fun? i don’t know if i’m having fun. there are certainly other things i’d rather be doing right now, but i don’t know if i can definitively say that i’m Not having fun. 

bj: some jobs require Only a ladle bj, thirty seconds later, after walking away and coming back: sometimes, also a funnel

bj, @ laura who’s eating cornbread: you cornbread eating chef!!!  laura: bj: laura: bj: i’m just saying facts in a weird way. you know like you’re in trouble. 

sam: *war cry* *spits out gum* *walks away*

bj: what kind of smoothie? Soup Smoothie!!

katherine: so this woman ordered some hot water so i gave it to her and her husband says you know what that’s for right and i’m like ….to drink? and he says nope! and doesn’t explain so i’m just like ………..okay! and walk away bc i don’t even want to know 

bj: there’s no shame in it! A Grown Man Can Bathe In Yogurt!!!

bj, leaning down very close to to-go box: i love you

bob: anyone want a drink? brian: whatever’s your strongest bob: milk it is

guy at bar: sUE HIM?!?!??? oh i’d sue him yeah

sam: who orders something extra cold?? like, you need to Die now thanks. 

sam: do you dare me to drink this buffalo sauce me: yes laura, walking by: snort it

sam: one more day. just one more day laura: of what sam: waking up

bob: *is trying to explain easter to jewish laura* laura: wait so he died… then he came back to life?? then he died Again??? bob: he died. then he came back just to tell people he was alive. then he said SEE YA and ascended to heaven

sam: i HATE margaritas. i don’t know why i just made myself one. 

bob: wow. i have this overpowering urge to just go home. 

bj, putting back a slotted spoon: this is a bad choice for dressing. a bad choice. 

me: *catches a plate about to fall* bj: woah! smooth moves!! spider-man? maybe. 

danny: so you know how at my other job everyone calls me daddy?

sam: *dumps out two full wine glasses* i fucked up. tell no one. 

me: remember when we used to be able to leave early? bob: no. i think we imagined it. 

danny: i didn’t realize we served DICK here -a few min later- danny: sorry i just got out of work and i’m all fired up

sam: my moms drunk and she won’t go home

bob: hey wasn’t that slang for mari- bj: cocaine. 

bj: *kicks kitchen door open* YEE-HAW!!!!

danny: sorry casey  me: what for  danny: for having to deal with me me: yeah *shrugs* danny: they should pay you more me: yeah

didi: i kill you ilia: do it now didi: no ilia: do it i wanna die

danny, about a burger: we’ve got ourselves a squirter!!

sam: is that a chicken patty  sydney: it’s my dog

sam, on my last night with her: lets get casey TRASHED tonight

sam: are you gonna go dancing in new york didi: yes laura: whore it up

[purple-possibilities]

Fuck Marry Kill: Kakashi, Sakumo, Madara (I'm evil, I know, I'm sorry)

SAKUMO KAKASHI AND MADARA??? Youuu… yoooooouuuuuu…. how dare you????!?!?

This is super long. Like way too long. I got really into this, so it’s under the cut.

So, at the very least, Sakumo and Kakashi are on a whole ‘nother tier of love for me. There’s actually one more ninja up there, who is an Uchiha, but that Uchiha is not Madara, unfortunately for him. So I can say (with much much muuuuuuch regret) that I’d kill Madara. It’s easier to say when I imagine that it’s canon Madara who is crazy. Yes yes. Not my Madara. My Madara is safe and in love with Kakashi (and hey if they both wanted to love me too I wouldn’t protest lol). Yes. Very good. So bye bye Madara, you always seem to draw the shortest straw. I am sorry to be perpetuating that, but you went kinda eye crazy and while I might have fucked your crazy ass, there’s no contest when it comes to Kakashi and Sakumo.

Which brings me to the evilness of this:

HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME CHOOSE BETWEEN KAKASHI AND SAKUMO????

Can I marry them both? Is that weird? I mean, they’re father and son but like… I’d be down. Please? No? I’m a freak you say? Damn. I always knew there was a way to love too much, and of course I stumbled headfirst into it.

Fuck me. Damn. Ok. Sibi has to choose who’s gonna fuck her 😝

I just love them both so much??? And now there’s the added weirdness of, hey I fucked your dad/son now marry me to think of (because of course this happens in the same world lol). How old does that make me in this situation? Idfk that’s too much semantics even for me.

Ok. Sakumo would be an amazing husband, I’ve said it a million times. And I feel so horrible that he felt like he had to commit seppuku for his botched mission, and I’m all about loving those soft broken boys. Poor Sakumo. Poor Kakashi. Poor me for having to choose. Fuck me. Like I want to say I’d marry Sakumo—because I totally would marry Sakumo today. If he appeared and was like “Sibi, marry me,” I would be gone. Happily ever after, the end, hey look that’s me and Sakumo disappearing into the sunset isn’t it lovely?

As I said, I want to say I’d marry Sakumo. Because I soooo want to marry Sakumo. But, Kakashi—I can never deny Kakashi. If I was dating Sakumo and then Kakashi asked me out I can’t say I wouldn’t dump his dad for him, just because Kakashi. Hell, if I was married to Sakumo and Kakashi asked me out I’d probably say yes I’m so sorry Sakumo (although I can see Sakumo being the type of guy that says “I just want you both to be happy,” and totally supporting my new relationship with his son lol. Sakumo is amazing. Fuuuck me). So that relegates Sakumo to the fuck zone (lol omg the image this gives me is hilarious 😂).

I think Sakumo, as much as he is a gentleman in my head, cooooouuullldd prrooooobably have a one-night stand. Or like, a many-nights stand haha. I don’t see him as pairing sex and emotions exclusively. But I also don’t think Sakumo is the kind of guy to just go around picking up chicks and then never seeing them again in the morning. Sakumo would want to buy you dinner first (he would not let you buy him dinner—or lunch or breakfast or pay for any date—because he’s old fashioned like that). But hey, if he were offering, I’d hop on 😜. It would be a night to remember, that I am sure of. Idk how it would happen… maybe he’s been dating someone for a while, they end up having sex (Sakumo wants a romantic connection first not just a sexual one, but he doesn’t need to wait for marriage. Sometimes I think Kakashi was a happy lil accident and not a planned baby. Sakumo would totally marry you if he knocked you up tho, and since you’d been together as a couple beforehand it wouldn’t be a horrible idea. It would be fantastic. Sakumo would be such an amazing husband). Then, for whatever reason, the relationship just wouldn’t work out. Poor us. *sigh* We had such lovely times together. Oh well, I (apparently) have Kakashi to comfort me, which is a win in my book lol!

So yeah, I’d marry Kakashi so hard he wouldn’t know what hit him. I can’t say he’d be the greatest or most outwardly romantic husband. He’d totally love you, no question, but he’d show it in small, sneaky things. He’s probably embarrassed to display too much affection, even after he knows you for a while. Even after being married to him for years. But he shows it.

He’d very casually do a lot of amazing things. Call it passive affection lol. Like, he’d make you lunch to take to work, and when you asked he’d just be like “oh, I found this food, it shouldn’t be wasted. Here, you take it.” Or you’d receive flowers from an anonymous sender. When you asked the delivery boy who sent them, he’d give a different description of the person who bought them every time (because Kakashi is too embarrassed to buy flowers. He uses a henge or calls the order in on the phone from a pay phone. Boy will not be caught haha). When he sees the flowers in your home later that day, you’ll know he sent them because he doesn’t throw them out when you’re not looking. God save anyone else who sends you flowers or gifts or love notes; Kakashi will make them all (and your admirer) disappear (they’re not dead, just suspiciously absent when’re you’re near). They’re also probably not very fragrant flowers, or ones with a lot of pollen.

I can see him buying potted plants over cut flowers too. You can put your plants on the ledge next to Mr Ukki. It makes Kakashi feel all fluttery inside when he glances at them. Your plants might get name cards, labelling them as Mr Ukki’s spouse and their children. It’s adorable. If you ask how they got there, Kakashi will shrug and say something like “I don’t control Mr Ukki. He’s free to make his own choices. If he found love, who am I to stop him?” “But Kakashi, Mr Ukki can’t write, he can’t even move!” “I think those name cards prove that he can.” “Where did he get the paper and the marker from then?” “I’m not here 24/7. I don’t know what Mr Ukki does in his spare time.” It’s hilarious.

If you’re on the couch or in bed, reading or watching tv or something, expect a random Kakashi to fall on your lap. When you say hi or ask him what he’s doing, he’ll be like, “Oh, I didn’t notice you there. Well, it’s too much trouble to move now.” Then he’ll make himself comfortable and you won’t be getting up for a loooong time. Also, he always washes the dishes. Even if you don’t cook and he’s the one cooking (and he’s a great cook) he insists on washing the dishes. Speaking of cooking, Kakashi is really good at making the dishes he likes, not so much with other things, unless it’s a detailed recipe. He’s not going to improvise in the kitchen, but he’s great at following a recipe. He doesn’t bake desserts tho. But he will totally learn to cook you whatever you want. If you go to a resto and really like something, he will somehow steal the recipe and randomly make it for you. You’ll think he’s just buying you takeout until one day he lets you catch him cooking that dish in the kitchen (and he lets you catch him, you don’t stand a chance if he wants to hide it).

He’s got his issues tho, so expect to deal with nightmares and his low self-esteem (boy thinks he’s not worthy of love. Love him harder). He also doesn’t like to go out much, esp to crowded places. But he likes being outside. So you could convince him to take you to some private spot by the river or even a beach if there’s one nearby. Kakashi knows a lot of quiet, private spots where you can go to read and cuddle. That’s Kakashi’s favourite date.

Although I also think he really likes listening to his s/o talk. He’d put down his book to listen to you talk about your day, especially if something good happened and he got to see you smile or hear you laugh. Kakashi likes seeing people happy. It makes him feel like all the horrible things he had to suffer were worthwhile if it meant he created a world where the people he loves can be happy. My poor poor Kakashi.

If you find a topic Kakashi is passionate about, don’t expect him to shut up any time soon lol. Motormouth no Kakashi will talk your ear off if it’s the right topic and you’re alone. He’s so adorably passionate. Kiss him if he goes on for too long. He’ll be startled at first, but then his mask is down and you’re on your back and Kakashi is showing you all the other things his mouth can do.

It would be hard to make Kakashi mad, but when you do see him angry it’s an experience. He tries to keep calm and aloof but his words are sharp and clipped and he either talks down to you or (if he can) disappears. For like a week. Then he comes back, and (if necessary) talks the argument out. If it’s something where disappearing is a no-go, he is veeeerrrryyy stubborn. He doesn’t yell, but kid-Kakashi rears his head. Kakachibi is a stubborn one, I cannot stress that enough lol.

With smaller things that irritate him, expect passive aggressiveness, just like he’s passive affectionate lol. Like, lunch is burnt, or something he knows you don’t like. You suddenly can’t find your favourite pair of shoes. He walks past you in your home and sits in a different room instead of spending time with you. You’ll have to confront him about it, or wait for him to get over whatever it is. Or just cuddle him. The man has been touch starved, it’s hard for him to pull away when you start running your hands through his hair or even just causally sitting next to him with your thigh just barely touching his. If it’s your fault, say sorry and suddenly you’re in his arms or on his lap and his nose is buried in you neck while he continues to (pretend to) read. He’ll whisper his apology into your skin, just loud enough that you’re not sure he said anything at all, if it wasn’t for the vibration in his chest and the way his lips moved against you’d skin.

If he’s at fault (and he eventually realizes he’s overreacting) he’ll come to you like a sad puppy, usually with some small offering and sad saaaad eyes (or eye, if he’s still got his Sharingan lol). If you’re still mad (how can you be???) he’ll flood you with his passive affection lol. You’ve got a cup of water and it’s half empty? Kakashi will refill it for you. You’re rubbing your neck? Suddenly massage. You have to go run an errand? Kakashi is following beside you, taking your bags and oh wow did you just conveniently pass by your favourite restaurant even though it wasn’t anywhere you were going? Kakashi suddenly decides he’s hungry and you should both pop in for a bite. You’re too angry to go? You come back home to takeout from that resto, somehow still hot. Kakashi is a magician of apologies. He doesn’t say the words very often, which can be annoying. But you can tell he feels bad. Kiss him and he’ll whisper his apology on your lips.

This is really long. Wow. I’m not even done. Maybe I should be done? Ok I’m done (for now). Ask me more about Kakashi later lol.

Thank you for sending the ask! I really appreciate it! Let’s play FMK

Already done: Already done:

Neji, Kiba, and Chouji?

Maito Dai, Sakumo, Minato?